on getting shit done.
At this moment I have started reading, but not finished, no less than six books. I'm in the middle of two separate business plans, three job applications (for jobs that aren't even in my field), and about five pages in to writing a book (because someone once told me I had funny stories and I should write them down. Turns out, I don't.) I have five different vacations flagged on Airbnb, started saving money for a yoga retreat (but have since depleted it), and have a massive to do list - including various doctor appointments, laundry, calling old friends, cleaning my room....
I have a hard time getting shit done.
This hasn't always been a struggle in my life. I've been able to be relatively successful at work for the last five years, have completed two degrees, moved abroad (and to multiple locations around the States), but in recent years I've found myself struggling to complete even the most mundane tasks at times. To be honest, I blame New York. Even in the city that never sleeps, I constantly feel that there are never enough hours in the day. The pressure to go to work (and let's be honest, an 8 hour day is a thing of the past), stay in shape, have an active social life, date, be involved in the community, travel, and make time to see family is more than overwhelming. And I know I'm not alone in this feeling. So many 20-somethings, and early 30-somethings, that I know here have at one time or another expressed the same sentiment - having and doing it all is f*cking hard, and to not, is to fail.
But it's not failure.
Learning this has been one of the harder things I've had to wrap my head around. I grew up being told that I can, and should, do anything I want. That the world is my oyster and I should take any opportunity that comes my way. That advice has definitely served me well - without it I wouldn't be where I am today. But, these last few months have taught me to slow down. That I can't actually do everything, and that I shouldn't actually do everything. Yes, I can and should do my laundry, call some old friends, make time to visit my family. But I don't have to read those six books (at least not right away). I still want to write that business plan, but it doesn't have to be finished tomorrow, or even three months from now. Those trips will happen eventually, so I need to stop getting jealous every time I see a friends Instagram post in some exotic location that I didn't make it to first (which, actually, is a whole other issue for another day). Spending a vast majority of my spare time in yoga classes these past four months has not only changed my body, my social life, and my general well being, but it has also changed my outlook on life. Or has at least started to. I still struggle every day with thinking I should be doing something I'm not, going somewhere new, am I in the right career, I should have gone to the gym yesterday, what's left on my to do. I wake up at 3 most mornings, my mind sprinting away from me - what do I need to do today? What can I get started on? What is my next step in life? It's a constant battle between my mind knowing I need to chill and my instinct getting carried away with the future. I don't think it will ever go away, but someone once told me that when we take time to look at the way we see things the way we see things changes - so here's to banking on that.
Get shit done, for sure. But get the right shit done when the universe says it's time. Not doing so isn't failure, it's life.